Friday, July 2, 2010

The Night of The Bat

Heres a little throwback story for you!  Rather than just another daily post or silly tidbit, I thought Id add a little nostalgia to my blog.  Some know this story, some havent heard it yet, so here goes

A few years ago before Hubby and I were married, we rented a cute little two bedroom apartment in a town about 5 miles south of where we live now.  It was small but perfect for us.  We have a lot of great memories from those days: planning our wedding, our first six months of marriage, and finding out we were expecting our first child.  There is, however, one memory that stands out among all the other pleasantries- the night of the bat.

It all started one quiet weekday evening.  Hubby and I were laying in bed around 10 pm watching TV and getting ready to go to sleep.  The only light in the apartment was that of our TV and the door to our room was open to the hallway.  So were laying there in bed when we hear the swooping of wings fly down the hallway, into our room, and perch on top of our bookshelf- on my side of the bed.  

First thought: bird.  How in the heck did a bird get into our apartment?  All doors and windows are closed, they havent even been open recently.  I pull the covers up over my head and Hub jumps up and turns the light on (Im still relatively sane at this point.. its a bird. no big deal) and I hear the worst three words I think anyone laying in the comfort of their own bed could possibly hear,ITS A BAT.  I proceeded to lose my mind..

Bats are gross.  Bats have rabies.  Bats suck your blood and turn you into a vampire This cant be happening.  This is NOT happening.

Oh, it was happening.  

The next thing I knew I was hearing couch pillows flying around the room .  That swooping sound?  Ten times worse when you know its a bat At one point the bat actually touched down on top of the blanket I was under.  I thought I was going to die 

Remember when I said the worst thing to hear is, “it’s a bat??  Well, I was wrong. I DONT KNOW WHERE IT WENT is worse.  Especially when you look up at your hands clenching the blankets into what you thought was a airtight seal and realize that theres a gap about the size of oh... a bat. 

Hubby gets a bright idea that the best thing for me to do is jump up (from under the covers) and run out of the room as quick as I could.  That way he could hunt the bat without me being in the way or something... whatever.  It wasnt happening.  The bat was missing and I wasnt going anywhere.  Hubby: On the count of three jump up and run towards the door as fast as you can!  Me: NO!  Hubby: 12  Me: NOOOO.  New plan.  Hes just going to have to work around me.

He locates the bat.  The swooping returns.  I hear him make contact.  The bat screams.  That is the most un-Godly sound in all creation.  Hubby: Plug your ears. 

Why, you ask?  Why would he tell me to plug my ears?  Because, folks.  No one wants their lovely fiancé to hear them beating an animal to death with a flip flop.  The bat is screaming.  Im screaming.  Really its quite a harmony of screams going on.  I felt like I was having an out of body experience.  The screams coming out of me were uncontrollable.  I tried to cover my own mouth (both hands) but it was no use.  I was hysterical.  Finally it stopped.  The bat was dead.  

Even knowing that there was no other option (we couldnt try to catch it and risk rabies), we felt horrible.  Hubby went and got a grocery bag and a pair of salad tongs from the kitchen, picked him up, put him, the tongs, and the murder weapon (flip flop) in the bag, and walked it out to the dumpster.  I came out from under the covers.  It was over.

We searched high and low.  We never did figure out how that bat got inside.  Looking back now we often laugh about the night of the bat.  Mostly hilarious with a touch of sad, we will remember that night forever.


  1. HAHAHAHHAHHAA i am hysterical at my desk!!!!
    i can totally picture all of this happening! were you even able to go to sleep that night??!!!
    and - best line:
    'bats suck your blood and turn you into a vampire' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!! as if being a vampire is SO bad now-a-days ;] i'd take a bat bite for an edward cullen anyday!

  2. ps - when you get back, you have an award :)

  3. Bahahahaha!! Oh my gosh Jessie! I just about died laughing in my seat from reading that, haha!


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